Are You Serious Right Now?!?
We are having a challenging month. Teeny is a speed crawler on the verge of walking and is very "curious." Read, she opens cabinets, eats tiny bits of god knows what off the floor (wait, is that a dead fly?!?) and I cannot take my eyes off of her for a single solitary moment. And….Tiny is in the testing phase. I'm the student, and I'm failing. It's a cat and mouse game of lets see how far I can push mommy before she explodes. She knows how to push my buttons better than anyone, well except maybe hubs….hmmm come to think of it, did he teach her these tactics? are they plotting against me? I digress. At any given moment I find myself on the brink of a toddler meltdown…but like Anna's frozen heart, the whole house melts down including this mama. Tiny is getting in trouble. But, how many times can you send a three year old to time out in the course of a week? Is she learning anything? Does she have to scream so loud? I wish I had a sound proof room. Add sound proof glass room to my list of must haves in my dream house. She has some seriously strong pipes. I'm pretty sure she gets this from my side of the family; we are loud and we breed more loud people. (And there folks is a glimpse at my internal monologue.) Back to the point... Tiny has this way of unnerving me. When I'm trying to have a serious talk with her about throwing a fit, how to treat her sister or why kicking our seriously arthritic dog is a bad idea she comes back at me with one liners that knock me on my butt. She is a master of spin and I know I've said it before but its just possible she might be a genius. That, or she's working with the CIA, and this is some crazy training regime grooming me for their terrorist negotiation division.
Her most impressive comebacks this week: "Are you serious right now?" - Clearly she learned this from me. What is wrong with me? For my part I know I've said this at the dinner table when I've gotten up and down from my seat a half a dozen times, I'm ready to finally take a nice big bite of my now luke warm food and she says, "I need more milk." Enter me…"are you serious right now?" Followed, of course, by "Tiny, if you want more milk you are going to have to use manners and ask the right way." But, the quick response is leaving my mouth quicker than Catholics after communion. And, she's taking notes, filing it under "I'm going to use that line later," and I'm dead serious right now. "You're cracking me up." - Sometimes after a particularly rough day hubs has a little chat with Tiny. And lucky for me, he has my back. Conversation goes something like this: Hubs: "Tiny you really can't talk to your mommy that way. Throwing a fit will only get you in trouble. You need to use your manners, blah, blah, blah." Tiny: "Ha. You're cracking me up Dad." Yep, true story. What's a parent to say? She saw an opening and she took it. And, like a bomb expert diffused the situation in seconds. Soon we were all "cracking up." "Remember that one time we saw a unicorn and it had pink hair?" - Here is where you can picture a cartoon me, with smoke coming out of my ears, hair sticking straight up and eyes rolled back in my rapidly spinning head. "Are you serious right now? (oops, I did it again) I'm trying to talk to you about why hiding in the unreachable tube at the very top of the Chikfila jungle gym is a bad choice. And you want to talk about UNICORNS?!?" See? Genius! "Take a deep breath mom." - She's good. And, (breathe in, breathe out) she's right. So what if we are late to story time? Who cares if she won't let me brush her hair and chooses to dress like a Catholic school girl circa Hit Me Baby One More Time? I need to pick my battles and just BREATHE.